Celebrity Jeopardy!
by Bob McDob
Summary: Umm...just read it. Random stupidity. Now with second episode and RABID FANGIRLS!!! ^_^
1. This Episode Has No Name

Celebrity Jeopardy! Well, it's not my best work, but I'm posting it anway. Read it and see what you think. 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everybody Else owns everything. All hail everybody else. 

"Quotations" indicate speech of author.   
  
  


Rant:   
Outlaw Star is one of the best anime of all time. Cartoon Network will not show Outlaw Star anymore. Therefore, Cartoon Network SUCKS!!!!! 

(okay, i'm done)   
  
  


Celebrity Jeopardy! 

A Fanifc by Bob McDob   
myokawa@aol.com   


"And we're back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Unfortunetly, it seems Mr. Trebek has flung himself out the 31st story window, so I will be taking over. And we have here: 

"Aisha ClanClan, with negative thirty million wong, 

Aisha: (snoring, puddle of drool covering stand) zzz...hha? Mm...commercials over already? 

"Ms. ClanClan, that commercial break was THREE HOURS". 

Aisha: Hey! I haven't gotten a kebab of sleep in four days! You know what it's like living in cardboard boxes, rummaging through garbage cans to eat? Blah blah blahblahblah blah... 

  
(hurridly) "Jim Hawking, with negative three thousand wong, 

Jim: Um, do I have to actually pay you the money here? 

"Yes." 

Jim: Damn. 

"And Fred Luo, in the lead with a lousy, pathetic, infinscule - " 

Fred: GET TO THE ******* POINT!!! 

" - one wong". 

Fred: (freaks out) whHOOOZ!!! I gotZ ME a wHONGZ!!! wHOOZ YO dADDY!!!" 

"Mr. Luo, are you feeling alright? 

Fred: Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! ^_^ 

-_-; "Um....sure, whatever. Mr. Luo, as you are the only person actually in positive territory here, you get to pick the catagory" 

Fred: Um, what are the catagories again? ^_^ 

"Mr. Luo, this is the six hundredth time we have had to repeat the catagories! Can you not remember them for THREE MINUTES?!?! 

Fred: ... 

"Mr. Luo?" 

Fred: I'm sorry, what did you say again? 

"Excuse me for a moment". 

(Author picks up semi automatic and empties it into his chest. White-garbed medical personel run over with Large Expensive-Looking Medical Thingy(tm)) 

Paramedic: CLEAR!!! 

(Paramedics connect pads to chest as sixty thousand volts run though machine. Author is burnt to crisp) 

Paramedic: Okay, lay 'em in there! 

(Paramedics stuff author inside Large Expensive-Looking Medical Thingy™. Paramedics open up door again. Author is floating in tube of liquid, a la Star Wars) 

Fred: This sucks! I want my money back! 

Jim: You didn't PAY anything. 

Fred: Well SOMEBODY better give me money. 

"All righty then. The catagories are: 

Planet Names that end in -aiphong 

Naked Chicks in Suitcases 

People Named Gene Starwind 

"Aw, screw it, I can't think anymore. I'm outta here! 

(The author turns his Large Expensive-Looking Medical Thingy™ around towards the stairs and falls down thirty stories) 

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, owww!!!" 

====== 

Okay, so I don't like this. I've written better. However, I want to know what YOU think. Did you like it? Hate it? If I get enough good reviews (or if I don't get flamed till I turn into the guy in this fic), I might actually continue it. I might even finish the sequel to Fred Luo's Magical Chocolate Weapons Factory (!) Enough babbling, I'm outta here!   
  



	2. Even Worse (not the album)

Celebrity Jeoparty! **And now it's time for...**

(cue Jeopardy theme) 

**CELEBRITY JEOPARDY!!!**   
**Now with 40% more spam!**

Ooofas: (singing) SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! LO VE LY   
SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!! LO VE LY SPAM! 

**Er, that's QUITE enough.**

Quiet you.   
  
  


Director 's Notes:   
Well, what'ya know! Celebrity Jeopardy is back! Thanks to popular demand (sort of), we have a part two, which is everything I hoped the original could be and less! Since readers (well, one,anyways) requested one with Gene, Melfina & Harry...here it is! Oh yeah, and I don't own Outlaw Star, Jeopardy, George W. Bush Teletubbies - you know the   
drill. On with the show. Alex?   
  


**And now, for our host, Alex Trebek Clone! Now sporting a full length beard!**

(Alex comes out from the back of the set, looking like the survivior of a shipwreck). 

Alex: Hello, I'm Robert De Niro. Er, wait...(checks script) And welcome to Hell! (looks at script again) We seem to be having some technical difficulties, we'll join you after these Semi-Divine Words from our sponser. (runs off) 

[Commercial break.] 

YES!!! NOW YOU CAN MST A FIC NOT AFTER IT'S WRITTEN, NOT BEFORE   
IT'S WRITTEN, BUT - WHILE - IT'S BEING WRITTEN! 

**This has been a public service announcement from Mr. Fluffy's Cat Chow. Made with pure LSD!**

Cat: MEEEEEE-owwww!!!!! (blanks out) 

**It really is The Cat's Meow™!**

(Taken from Simcity games. No, I don't own them, either) 

[End commericial break] 

Alex: And we're back! Eh...well, here are our contestants, who are all new because I brutally murdered and ate all the others! (cue Naga\Kodachi\George W. Bush cackle sequence) HAHAHAHAHA - wait, that's not right...(calls offstage) I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GOING TO CHANGE THE SCRIPT! I TOLD YOU I _WON'T_ SAY THAT! 

Director: You just did. 

Alex: IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! 

Loofas: (singing) Nothing really matters...(beam out) 

Director: Anyway, we were going to change it, but only if you agreed to wear a revealing fluffy pink tutu on air. Remember? 

Alex: WHAT THE **** HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING!?! 

Director: Hemp. 

Alex: Figures. Our new contestants   
are:   
Gene Starwind, who is a hermaphrodite- 

Gene: NANI!?! 

Alex: Hey, I didn't write the dialog here. (gestures to director) Mr. You-Hoo over there, on the other hand... 

Gene: Excuse me while I KILL something. 

(Gene walks offstage; muffled gagging and thumping sounds are heard) 

Alex: (continuing) We also have Harry McDougall- 

Harry: Ya canna change the laws of physics! 

Alex: Um, yeah, whatever. And last, but not least, we have Melphina - (looks at script) Jambolputty... de von Ausfern, SchplendenSchlitterKrassKrenbonFriedDiggerDingleDangleDongleDungleBurstein von KnackerThrasherAppleBangerHorowitzTicolensicGranderKnottySpelltinkleGrandlichGrumblemeyerSpelterwasserKurstlich HimbleEisenBahnwagenGutenabendBitteEinNurnburgerBratwustleGernspurtenMitzWeimacheLuberHundsfutGumberaber   
ShoneDankerKalbsfleischMittlerAucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. 

(Suddenly, the back of the stage collapses, and a three-story high SUV crashes through. Several Big, Hairy Men carrying briefcases climb down ropes onto the set) 

Man: We're the lawyers for Monty Python. Who wrote the dialog here? 

Alex: Um, the director. (gestures to back of stage where long line of people are standing) Wait your turn. 

(Lawyers go backstage. Screams can be heard. A voice calls out "NEXT!" More screams are heard). 

Alex: Okay...since Gene is out and Harry is currently incapable of coherent thought (camera swings to where Harry is having a seizure, looking suspiciously like a Moonwalk), we'll start with you, Ms. - 

Melphina: Oh, Melfina will do just fine. 

Alex: Is there any reason why the author can't decide how to spell your name? 

(Blank stares) 

Alex: That...was...a...joke...(glances around nervously) eh-heh...pick a catagory, please. (wipes a sweatdrop off his face) 

Melphina: I'll take Fred Luo's Secret Love Life for W100 wong. 

Alex: Three years ago, President Luo was impeached for lying about having extramarital affairs with four different people. Name these people. 

Harry: (pressing buzzer repeatedly) OohIKnowThisOneIKnowThisOneIKnowThisOne!!! 

Melphina: You'll have to excuse him. He's been getting high off Carbonated Sugar Water again. 

Alex: Mr. McDougall? 

Harry: Who are Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La,and Po! 

Alex: Correct! Let's skip directly to our final round! Wait a minute, that's not the right answer... 

Gene: (running in wearing Mickey Mouse ears) People of Studio 42, I Have Returned! From Disneyworld! (holds up bags of merchandise) See? 

Alex: Yes, that's very interesting. Please join us...join...us...(hungry, deranged look in face) 

Everyone Else From Outlaw Star: (runs in and kills Alex, thus ending the fic. The End.) 

Audience: . . . 

Alex: (rising from floor) Ha...thought they beat me, eh? Well, dey don't! I ain't letting ya go dat easy! (faints) 

**SUBTITLES: Final Jeopardy Question. Name Jim Hawking's girlfriend.**

Gene: Aw, widdle Jimmie-kun has a girlfriend? That's so kyuuuuuute... 

Jim: (pokes head onstage) It's not what you think it is! 

(Rabid Fangirls in the audience disguised rip off their Marlon Brando costumes, glomp onto Jim, tear off his clothes, and start groping him all over) 

Jim: WAAAAAAH!!! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! 

(Final Jeopardy music. Melphina finishes writing down her answer in precisely 2.274 seconds. Harry stares thoughtfully at the paper, while Gene looks stumped) 

**Jeopardy Music: Da da da dada da da da,**   
**Da da dada DA! Dadadadada**   
**Dadada dada da da da,**   
**DA! Dada da da da da.**

Alex (magically resuscitated; shot of Aisha & Suzuka in background prying Rabid Fangirls off of Jim with help from the Jaws of Life): And we're back! Contestants? 

(Camera turns to Gene) 

Alex: And you wrote...Who is Lorena Bobbit? I'm sorry, that is incorrect! 

Gene: (snickers) 

Jim: (being carried away on stretcher by Ooofa-Loofas): Shut the hell up! 

Alex: And Melphina, you wrote . . . 

Everyone: . . . 

Alex: (reading answer) Hmm...well, you're right, so you automatically get W30,000 wong. 

Melphina: Yay! ^_^ 

Gene: Wait 'gist a doggone min here! Hoois Jim's girlfriend? And why're I talkin' with a strange akcent? 

Alex: Did you know that attack by robots is the leading cause of death among Caucasian males ages 5 to 445? 

All: !!! 

Gene: Eh? (Looks at Melphina & Harry) 

Melphina\Harry: (shrug) 

Gene: (To Alex) Are you ever going to answer my question? 

Harry: Are you ever going to read my answer? 

Melphina: Are you ever going to give me my money? 

Alex: No, because I'm EEEEEEEEEEVHAL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (gets hit by Boomallet™ to the head. 

Jim: (sitting in audience healed by Semi-Divine Powers of Author) Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Plug Alert! Plug Alert! (flails arms) 

Suzuka: You really didn't have to do that, you know...(sweatdrop) 

Melphina: What happens now? 

Harry: We all have wild passionate monkey se- (stops; flips through script) Hey! This is the script for [insert OLS hentai fic here]! Maybe you should apologize to that guy (points at director) 

Director: (currently lying in a crumpled heap) Help me. Heeeeeeeeelp me. (a la The Fly) 

(Gene looks back at Harry) 

Gene\Harry: Nah. 

(They all walk offstage. Cut to credits) 

Music from MST3K plays, for no other reason than I WANT IT TO!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA (gets knocked out by flying mallets) ouch... 

Fred: (in his one and only line in this fic) They never learn, do they? 

Tinky-Winky: Foo. 

(They walk off together. Fred fans attack author).   
  
  


Okay...who here actually understood that? Thought so... -_-;;; lessee, did I forget anything? Oh yeah, I don't own Sam & Max, Saturday Night Live, Star Trek, Ranma 1/2, Slayers, South Park, the Moonwalk...(readers start leaving) eh...I'll just leave the rest. You get the idea. 

Apologies to the authors of The Gundam Team's Day Off for unwittingly using several Python gags (I certainly didn't plan on doing it, but it just...happened), and thanks to AnimeAngel, whose Jim-torture fic "Why me...And Why So Often?" helped me make the fangirls even MORE rabid! (cackles madly) 

One more thing: I won't continue this series until someone MSTs it! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!...then again, maybe I will. Depends how I'm feeling. Oh yeah, 'n C&C, please. Flames will have no effect on me because I'm made of rubber ^_^. Wait a sec...   


Bob McDob   
myokawa@aol.com   
"Must...control...fist...of...death... "   



End file.
